


If You Give a Boy a Scythe

by coraxes



Series: CR Ficlet Bundle [2]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series), The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Crack, Ficlets, Fluff, Gen, Post-Canon, reposted from tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2019-03-07 17:13:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13439457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coraxes/pseuds/coraxes
Summary: Death isn't as quiet as Vax expected.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> These got some attention on tumblr, so I figured I might as well post them here too.

Vax woke to something poking him in the ribs.  Which was odd, because he was pretty sure he wasn’t supposed to wake up at all.  He’d never gotten a clear answer to the whole “what happens after I die” thing, though.

“Hey,” someone said in a terrible accent.  “New guy, wake up.”

Vax opened his eyes and saw a very good-looking man wearing all black and carrying a scythe standing over him, the handle of the scythe poking into his side.  He was lying on what seemed to be a grassy hillside, only everything was weirdly purplish, from the grass to the light coming off the stars overhead.  

“Vax’ildan, right?” continued the handsome man, glancing from Vax to a piece of paper in his hand.  “Recently come into the boss lady’s service--nice wings, by the way, very classic.  You got any preferences for your skull?  In your skeleton form, I mean.”

Vax blinked and stared at the man for a moment, but no matter how many times he ran those words through his head they didn’t make sense.  “I think there’s been a mistake.  I’m supposed to be fucking  _dead.”_

“Ooh, big guy can use swears,” said the man.  “I got some of those too:  _Bastard.  Piss.  Hell._ ”

Alright, Vax had done some less-than-nice things in his time, but he would’ve thought that dying would have at  _least_ gotten him a break.  “Will you just tell me what the fuck is going on here?”

The handsome man rolled his eyes.  “You’re no fun,” he said.  “Look, you died.  But the Raven Queen is worried about your friends trying to bring you back, and you’re her paladin, so she sent you to this world for a few decades until your pals kick the bucket and you can all have a happy reunion in the afterlife.  Stick out your hand like you’re reaching for something, will you?”

Vax did.  Without any conscious effort on his part, a scythe appeared in it.  “What the  _shit,”_ he said.

“Welcome to the Reapers,” said the handsome man.  “My name’s Kravitz.  So, thought any more about your skull?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments/kudos are <3.
> 
> I don't have any solid plans to add to this universe, but if you have something you'd like to see, leave it in a comment or message me [on tumblr](http://magsides.tumblr.com/ask) and I'll see what I can do!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I got an anon on tumblr saying that "the mere thought of vax and lup existing in the same universe, much less WORKING together is too powerful to hold in my mind for more than 20 second at a time".
> 
> So this happened.

“TAAKO!” Lup yelled, so loudly Vax had to rub his ear with the arm that his new coworker didn’t currently have in a vice grip. “TAAKO, WE GOT A NEW BROTHER!”

“Lup, I didn’t sign up for–” Vax protested, but she steamrollered over him. (Steamrollers–he’d learned about those here. Weird fucking dimension.)

“Shut up and get with the program, featherbutt,” she said, and it would have been insulting if she wasn’t so comfortable with it. 

Lup dragged him through the school’s hallways. It smelled delicious–Vax’s stomach would’ve growled, if he hadn’t been dead–and as they passed some of the younger students stared at them. Vax grinned and waved, leaving them bemused.

They burst into the great hall, finally, to see Taako standing over a stove with a hand on his hip and the tip of his hat drooping almost into the soup pot. “Lulu, I’m trying to pass on my wisdom to the next generation, can you hold on for one gosh-damn second–”

“Nope,” said Lup. She shoved Vax unceremoniously in front of her. “This is Vax. He’s a Reaper but he can’t see his twin sister in another dimension for like, a hundred more years. So we’re adopting him as our third twin.”

“Ugh, fine,” said Taako. “Now get out of my kitchen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again: comments/kudos make my life.


End file.
